Hyperconnected yet alone

Published on 19 August 2025

A clinical psychologist explains why the number of likes on your social media feed isn’t the cure for loneliness – and what you can do to reconnect for real.

Scrolling through your phone, a dozen notifications pop up – unread messages, emails and a handful of likes on your post about your favourite matcha drink. On the surface, it makes your social life look active. But why does it still feel so empty?

This paradox of feeling lonely despite constant digital contact is becoming increasingly common, said Ms Evonne Teh, Clinical Psychologist, National University Polyclinics (NUP).

“A barrage of notifications, thumbs-up on a post or a flood of group texts might give the impression of social engagement, yet leave someone feeling emotionally empty,” she said.

Even in a world more digitally connected than ever, loneliness is emerging as a pressing public health issue. Research now links it not only to mental health issues but also to poor physical wellbeing.

"While hyperconnectivity has its conveniences, it comes with costs," Ms Teh said. For instance, a study found that young people who spent more than two hours daily on social networking sites passively without genuine interaction reported higher levels of loneliness.

“In essence, surface-level digital interactions can highlight what’s missing: real intimacy,” she added. “People who are lonely may also turn to social media as a coping mechanism, but if they only engage superficially, the underlying loneliness remains unresolved.” 

When likes fall short

Important non-verbal cues, such as tone of voice, eye contact and body language, are often lost in text or chat. As Ms Teh pointed out, “the quantity of contacts you have is not the same as the quality of connection”.

Some ways of using technology, such as video calls or messaging to arrange meet-ups, can help us actively support relationships. But when tech use becomes passive, such as endless scrolling or reacting to posts without real interaction, it may deepen feelings of disconnection.

One example is phubbing, when people pay more attention to their phones than to the person in front of them. Over time, this behaviour can weaken relationships and erode emotional bonds.

Adding to this sense of disconnection is the curated nature of social media. Constant exposure to others’ highlights reels may amplify feelings of inadequacy or exclusion.

"You might receive many messages yet still feel that no one truly knows you or cares to ask how you’re doing at a deeper level,” said Ms Teh.

How loneliness hurts the mind and body

Spending long hours on social media has been linked to poor mental health. In Singapore, youths who use social media for more than three hours a day are more likely to experience symptoms of depression, anxiety or stress, according to a local study.

The effects of loneliness also go beyond mental wellbeing. Chronic loneliness, said Ms Teh, can take a toll on the body too, with health risks comparable to smoking or obesity.

Signs someone may be feeling isolated

Loneliness is not always easy to spot. Ms Teh noted that someone may appear cheerful and say they are doing fine, even while feeling isolated inside. “However, subtle changes in behaviour can signal someone is experiencing social isolation or emotional disconnection,” she said.

Red flags can include a previously sociable person becoming withdrawn, avoiding plans or giving flat responses. Others may immerse themselves in rigid routines or overcommit to work to fill a social void.

Some may present a hyper-social or ‘perfect’ online persona to hide their isolation or seek validation. "Even in a group, the individual may seem emotionally distant," said Ms Teh.

Mood changes are another clue – including low energy, sadness or irritability. Recognising these signs could help support friends and family in need.

Reclaim real connection with these tips

For those feeling stuck in a cycle of disconnection, Ms Teh suggested small, mindful steps to help rebuild meaningful social ties:

1. Acknowledge the feeling: Recognise and name the emotion. Reflect on what kind of connection is missing – is it companionship or a deeper understanding? Confide in a trusted person, journal or consider talking to a counsellor.
   
2. Reconnect with acquaintances: Reach out to one or two people – an old friend, neighbour or relative. A simple “How have you been?” or invitation for kopi can rekindle ties.
   
3. Join community activities or groups: Try a hobby group, book club, community class or volunteering. These offer structured opportunities to meet people through shared interests.
   
4. Practise social skills regularly: Set a weekly social goal like initiating a chat with a colleague. Accept the occasional invite you might usually decline. Overcoming loneliness often means gently disrupting the status quo.
   
5. Cut down on passive scrolling – and reach out instead: Scrolling through posts may mimic connection but often feels hollow. Instead of simply liking a post, message a friend directly or check in with someone you care about. Active outreach builds more meaningful ties.
   
6. Seek professional help if needed: If loneliness feels overwhelming, resources such as mental health helplines and peer support groups are available.
   
7. Be patient with yourself: Connection takes time. Celebrate the small wins. Practise self-care to bolster your mood and energy to connect with others.
   

A good first-stop touchpoint is mindline.sg.sg, a safe and anonymous online space where users can access a wide range of resources to better understand and manage their mental health and emotional wellbeing. For example, you can try the free self-assessment tool or get advice from peer supporters and therapists.

While technology is often blamed for eroding real-world connections, Ms Teh noted that it is not inherently “the enemy”. When used mindfully and with purpose, it can also help bring people together.

“In the end, online interactions are a powerful supplement to real-life connection, but rarely a full replacement,” she added. “The goal is to shift from passive consumption like endlessly scrolling to active, intentional use that enriches relationships.”

By choosing quality over quantity in our digital lives, we can turn hyperconnection into true connection.

In consultation with Ms Evonne Teh, Clinical Psychologist, NUP.